Our greatest resource, as leaders, is emotional capital – healthy and collaborative relationships.
It is not the buildings we own or the technology we operate or the innovative products we bring to market or the strategic ministries we bring to the mission field. Leadership is relationships.
You manage inventory, but you lead people. You manage a budget, but you lead people. You manage physical assets, but you lead people.
A relationship mindset propels leaders out of their office and into the lives of their people to build emotional capital one conversation-at-a-time. It’s amazing how much they get done, simply by walking around.
In relationships, the little things are the big things. Here are five simple ways every leader can strengthen their relationships if they are willing to do the simple things consistently well.
#1: Prioritize Embodied Words. Poor managers think “Why would I have a conversation when I can just send a quick email?” Great leaders think, “Why would I send an email when I can have a conversation?”
Embodied words are more powerful than disembodied words (text, email, voice mail). So much of what we wish to communicate to our people is communicated through body language, tone of voice and facial expression. Prioritize embodied words. Follow-up with email, of course, to capture what’s been said but build relationships first through face-to-face interaction.
Poor managers think, Why would I have a conversation when I can just send a quick email? Great leaders think, Why would I send an email when I can have a conversation? Share on X#2: When you ask, “How are you doing?” be sincere. Everyone asks the question, “How are you doing?” but few listen intently to the response. If you want to set yourself apart, look the other person in the eye and wait for the response. If they brush you off, try once more, “No, really, how are you doing?” Then wait for a meaningful response. If they brush you off again, let it go. Maybe they don’t want to talk about whatever came to mind. That’s okay, but as a leader, make it a habit of being the person in the office that actuals mean it when you ask, “How are you?”
How are you? Everyone asks the question, few listen intently to the response. If you want to set yourself apart, try looking the other person in the eye when you ask then wait for a response. Share on X
#3: The power thank-you (I picked up this term from Mark Goulston). Many leaders are stingy when they express appreciation. Saying, “Thank you” is one thing, saying why you are grateful is what makes the difference.
A power thank you is a three-fold demonstration of appreciation that takes less than 30 seconds to say but has a massive impact. The three parts are: 1) acknowledge what was done, 2) appreciate their unique skill or effort, and 3) appreciate the value-added. For example, “Jim thank you for enhancing the slide deck last night. You worked extra hours and made it a much better presentation. I am super impressed with your ability to match text with attractive visuals and embed video clips. I am way more confident giving the presentation after your improvements and I think the Board will appreciate your work as well.” I’m sure you can see how this power thank-you would have a big impact on Jim, as opposed to, “Hey Jim, thanks for the slide deck.”
A genuine thank-you has the power to deepen the bond of trust, strengthen the relationship and fortify your leadership. It only takes a few more seconds of your time but the extra benefit far exceeds the extra effort. Share on X#4: Be an encourager. When it comes to believing in themselves, most people are agnostic. Encouraging words are valuable because most of us live without them. Affirmation is like oxygen to the soul. People that feel good about themselves produce better results. Be an encourager and watch your people soar. As a leader, you may be reluctant to affirm your people. “Why would I give them affirming words if they are just doing their job?” Simple, what gets recognized, gets repeated. Leaders build a healhty and productive culture, one affirming conversation-at-a-time.
What gets recognized, gets repeated. Leaders build the culture, one affirming conversation-at-a-time. Share on X#5: Say, “I’m sorry” and mean it. Leaders don’t have a different set of rules to follow. Like everyone else, when they mess up or hurt someone, they need to apologize. When was the last time you sincerely apologized at the office? If it’s been more than a few weeks, you probably need to examine your heart. Pride will tempt a leader to think that apologizing is beneath him. Insecurity might cause another leader to refrain from apologizing for fear of losing power. Leaders that lack empathy might minimize the pain they have caused and dismiss it as trivial.
What should we do when we mess up or hurt someone?
- Own it. Say, “I am sorry.” But more importantly, be sorry. Admit what you did that was wrong and be specific.
- Empathize. Understand how your wrongdoing made the other person feel or how your action/inaction caused them hardship.
- Receive forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness and wait till it is given. When we hurt others, they often feel disempowered by the process. By asking for their forgiveness and waiting for them to give it, we re-empower them. Until the other person says, “I forgive you,” reconciliation is incomplete. They are given control.
- Make restitution. Make up for it. In some way perform an act of charity that reminds them of your remorse and goes the extra mile to communicate your commitment to making it right.
The best leaders never settle for exercising authority over people when they can establish influence with them. Authority may gain momentary compliance but it rarely results in their long-term commitment.
Your number one responsibility as a leader is to strengthen the bond of trust with everyone on your team. No trust, no relationship; no relationship, no leadership.
Your number one responsibility as a leader is to strengthen the bond of trust with everyone on your team. No trust, no leadership. Share on X