A Leadership Skill That Will Never Be Automated

Few people are hard of hearing but many are hard of listening.

As a leader, learning to listen well is one of the most important areas of personal development.

Hearing and listening are not the same thing.

Hearing happens when auditory sensations are received by the ears and transmitted to the brain. Listening is a complex process that involves intention and attention to accurately interpret the significance of sensory experiences.

Hearing is a physiological process where auditory sensations are transmitted to the brain. Listening is a complex psychological process that involves interpreting & accurately understanding meaning. Big difference. Click To Tweet

Hearing is a passive process, listening is an active process.

If the organs are functioning properly, you can hear without much effort. But listening requires attention, effort and focus.

Social scientists tell us that over the course of our lifetime, we only come across four good listeners.  Yep, that’s it, four good listeners.

When organs function properly, you can hear without much effort. Listening requires attention, effort & focus. Few people are hard of hearing but many are hard of listening. Click To Tweet

What makes someone a good listener? Empathy – the ability to accurately understand and interpret the feelings of another person.

Empathic listening is an important skill for leaders to develop. In fact, it might be more important than strategic planning, delegation and vision casting.

Empathetic listening is an art of being attentive to all ways people communicate their messages – through words, sounds and emotions.

All good listeners have empathy, the ability to accurately understand & share the feelings of another. Click To Tweet

Body language is the way emotion is communicated. Until we hear and feel what another person is saying, we won’t truly understand them.  Empathetic listening is a whole person approach to listening. It means listening with your ears and your heart.

Empathy is NOT sympathy. Sympathy is feeling for someone, empathy is feeling as someone. Empathy means understanding from the other persons point of reference.

Many conversations, especially jugular conversations, are really just simultaneous monologues.  There is no real dialogue at all. There isn’t much seeking to understand. Both parties motivated by the need to be understood.

Another obstacle to mutual understanding is that we approach conversations with an autobiographical lens. Rather than listening from their perspective, we listen from our own script and misinterpret so much of what is being said.

Here are Five Practices of Empathetic Listening

Attend. Be alert and focused, use eye contact. Don’t attempt to multi-task while listening, be fully present and focus on the individual.

Encourage. Use non-verbal and verbal affirmations. Non-verbal affirmations include an open posture, nodding your head, smiling, positive facial expressions and warm eye contact. Verbal affirmations may include, “tell me more” or “good insight.”

Introject don’t interject. Introjection is about clarifying meaning through inquiry. Interjection means inserting your own thoughts distinct from what the other person is sharing. Picture a butter knife inserted into a stream of water. If the blade is parallel to the flow, inserting it doesn’t disturb the flow, that’s introjection. When the blade is turned sideways against the flow of water, it splashes all over, that is interjection. Interjection stops the flow of the conversation. Introspection enhances the conversation and takes it deeper.

Resist and Refrain. Resist asking a lot of questions, it can give the impression of grilling the speaker. It’s okay to ask the odd open ended question, “How did you feel?” Also, refrain from giving unsolicited advice, many leaders assume others come to then in search of answers and solutions but often they just want to be understood.

Don’t Rehearse. Listen in order to understand, not in order to respond. Resist the urge to share your own stories however relevant they may seem to you.

Empathetic listening is the process of uncovering and experiencing for yourself what the other person is feeling and thinking. You don’t have to agree, you don’t have to solve the problem. You just have to step in their shoes and see the world from their perspective.

The simple act of empathetic listening builds trust. It mends hearts together. It creates an open, safe environment for true community. It is well worth the effort.

Empathic listening is an important skill for leaders to develop. In fact, it might be more important than strategic planning, delegation and vision casting. Click To Tweet