Today’s post continues the 5-part series of reflections on 25 years of marriage. Lesson #4: The Daily Dozen for Couples.
The message I have today is straightforward. Some might say, simple. The benefit is in the daily application of the message not the eloquence of words. I would suggest you read this post for ideas and as soon as possible create your own daily dozen. The blessings will arrive in abundance after years of incorporating the habits into the normal day-to-day activities of married and family life.
“The specific events are less important than the knowledge that someone we care about, desires our company and enjoys being in our presence. This sense of joyful belonging is what makes daily companionship so vital to a good marriage. Companionship often operates under the radar because it usually takes place in the normal routines and rituals of daily life but all these gestures communicate a simple but powerful message: “I enjoy being with you” (Dr Bob Schuchts).
Here are 12 daily habits/activities that will deepen your companionship as a couple.
The message I have today is pretty straightforward. Some might say, simple. The benefit is in the daily application of the message, not the eloquence of words. Share on X#1. Wake up together and go to bed together. This may not be possible if your work schedules don’t align, but if at all possible, follow the same wake-up/bedtime routines. Starting and ending your day together communicates a deep commitment to companionship.
Starting and ending your day together communicates a deep commitment to companionship. Share on X#2. Express affection first thing in the morning. A short hug or simple kiss on the cheek goes a long way in expressing a powerful message, “I love you, we are in this together, I enjoy doing life with you.”
#3. Pray morning prayer together. I covered this in greater detail in the first post of the series. This might mean praying beside each other on the couch; praying the breviary together or something else. The main thing is that every morning you re-commit to placing God at the centre of your marriage and family. You may want to check out the daily mass readings with accompanying mediation at The Word Among Us.
The main thing is that every morning you re-commit to placing God at the centre of your marriage and family. Share on X#4. Read something on marriage or family life. Call it professional development for your most important ‘work.’ There are so many amazing resources out there right now. Andrea and I are reading another book by Bob Schuschts. We read one chapter a week on our own, usually a few pages a day. Then on Saturday morning, we have a sharing time using the discussion questions in the book … this usually happens while we enjoying a second or third cup of coffee!
#5. Hold hands. Not much explaining needed here. Just do it at least once-a-day.
#6. Love your spouse in their love language. Dr Gary Chapman, a Family Therapist with decades of clinical experience wrote an important book entitled, The Five Love Languages. In his clinical practice, he met with many troubled couples. His clients would often admit to feeling that their spouse no longer loved them. He asked, “What would it look like if he/she did show love?” Amazingly, there was a consistent pattern. These became the Five Love Languages: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Gifts. The idea is very simple – find out your spouses love language and then communicate love in a way they can receive it from you. This book is almost 30 years old now but its wisdom is timeless.
#7. Daily cooperative teamwork. Accomplish something together every day. This can be as simple as folding a load of laundry or cooking supper together. It might mean grocery shopping together or organizing your closet. It might be a season of working together every day, like renovating a bathroom or a shorter season like completing your taxes. The idea is that you are working together side-by-side and accomplishing someting together.
#8. Kiss. At least once-a-day put a big wet one on your spouse. Doing this in front of your children may elicit some weird responses. When I am playful, I warn the kids, “About to kiss your mom now, run for your lives.”
#9. Exercise together. If you and your spouse both exercise regularly, just try to do it together. Go to the gym together, do your online workout together. If you’re not into exercise or one of you isn’t, then going for a short walk around the block each day is fine too. The idea here is to get the endorphins going, the heart rate up but more importantly, exercising together, even for 15-20 minutes, is another expression of doing life together.
#10. Say thank you. Expressing sincere thanks to your spouse is a sure way to develop a grateful heart. Thank your husband for his hard work in the yard, or for his presence in your life. Thank your wife for the joy she brings to you or the commitment she makes to serve the family. There are many ways to express thanks: a short hug, a handwritten note, you can send a text, share your appreciation over supper or wait till bedtime. Doesn’t have to be elaborate, just sincere. Once you develop this habit, it gets easier every day.
#11. Couch time. Every day sit down with your spouse on the couch and connect at a heart level. Andrea and I have cute names for this daily habit – “wine at nine” or “tea at ten,” depending, of course, on the type of day we had! Asking open-ended questions are great launching pads to meaningful conversation. We picked up a simple but powerful question many years ago and still use it today. Rather than asking, “How was your day? ” or “What did you do today?” Ask, “What did your day do to you?” This allows our spouses an opportunity to share about the day at a deeper level.
#12. Say, “I love you.” Not only with your words but with your eyes. Very important.
I agree with Dr Bob. We all have a basic need for companionship and a need to know that our presence is desired by another human being. This is why daily companionship is so vital to a good marriage.
I agree with Dr Bob. We all have a basic need for companionship and a need to know that our presence is desired by another human being. This is why daily companionship is so vital to a good marriage. Share on XI have proposed 12 daily habits/activities that you can commit to as a way to deepen your companionship as a couple. I suggested at the beginning of this post that the list would be simple. I’m not dropping keen insights today, this was not an intellectual treatise. The secret is found in the doing.
Companionship often operates under the radar because it usually takes place in the normal routines and rituals of daily life but all these gestures communicate a simple but powerful message: “I enjoy being with you.”