Work On It – Reflections on 25 Years of Marriage

Dr Richard Swenson wrote a great life-leadership book entitled, Margin.  He defines margin as the space between our load and our limits. It’s not surprising that Swenson suggests most of us live without any margin in our lives whatsoever – no margin in our schedules, no margin with our energy and no margin with our finances. We are maxed out in every category. Can you relate? No wonder we have little time, energy and money to work on our marriages

Margin is related to our reserves and resilience. For most of us, the margin is an afterthought. It is what’s leftover once everything else is done. The good news is that with some planning, margins can become a beneficial buffer, a grace-filled gap. We need margins because margins are the space we go to heal, to relate, to reflect, to recharge our batteries, to focus on the things that matter most. We need margin in our lives if we are going to work on our marriages not just work our butts off in family life.

Margin restores to couples what the daily grind has taken away. What keeping up with the Joneses has taken away. What the undisciplined pursuit of more has taken away. More activities, more experiences, more commitments usually means less money, less time and less energy to invest in the marriage.

Let’s make this very practical with a question: How are you working on your marriage? What are you doing to invest time and money into improving your spousal relationship? Couples deepen their relationship by making a commitment to invest in marriage enrichment activities – it shows up as transactions from their bank account and gets added to their calendar.

I’m not suggesting a lot of money is needed but marriage enrichment should be a line item in your family budget even a small one. Committed couples also secure time in their schedules to work on their relationship. Date Nights, Couple’s Retreat Weekend and Marriage Conferences should populate your calendar throughout the year.

We know how hard this is to do if your children are young but do the best you can. Even reading a great book on marriage and discussing it over coffee can go a long way to enriching your marriage. Rather than just watching a soccer game, go for a walk around the field and talk. Have a daily couch time after the kids go to bed. Get creative. Over time this investment will pay off big time.

There are a number of really amazing resources out there. We highly recommend Dr Bob Schutschs latest book, Be Devoted.  You may want to check out a Marriage Encounter weekend. Or, take a look at a new initiative from Cat Chat Ministries called BREATHE, a Catholic Marriage Conference.  If you are interested in other resources, connect with the good folks at BREATHE, they will be able to direct you to a number of books, podcasts and videos to enrich your marriage. Work on it! Invest in it! You won’t regret it!