Three Secrets to Becoming a People Person

Google gave me the following definition for people person: “one who is particularly good at interacting with others.” Seems important, but what does it mean to interact well with others?

It does not mean being extroverted. Several of the most meaningful conversations I have had were discussions between introverts.

It does not mean that you know how to carry a conversation with a stranger. That is helpful but not the most important thing.

The one thing you need to be a people person is magnanimity: to be open-hearted and open-minded.

Magnanimous people are curious. Curious people are wide open to learning about others. Curious people want to discover new reasons to appreciate their friends. Think of Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings: “Hobbits really are amazing creatures,” he said. “You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you in a pinch.’ I agree, Hobbits are amazing creatures, but not everyone recognized it. Gandalf’s magnanimity and curiosity kept him open to being surprised by the Hobbits, even those he knew very well.

Photo by Andres Iga on Unsplash

Curious leaders want to find out what makes their staff tick – what motivates them and what diminishes them too. Curious leaders provide a safe space for sharing hopes and dreams, fears and failures. The most curious people in my life, know my deepest thoughts, wounds, and scripts. Do you keep the same openness with the people you lead?

The one thing you need to be a people person is magnanimous curiosity, wide open to learning about others and from others. It means finding new reasons to appreciate them. Click To Tweet

Magnanimous people are slow to judge. Stephen Covey said, “You cannot judge another person and understand them at the same time.” The moment you judge another person, you cut yourself off from learning because there is nothing more to learn or understand. For magnanimous leaders, every conversation is an opportunity to discover something new. Magnanimity prevents quick judgements which are often deficient judgements.  Magnanimity allows you to engage with each person as a mystery – someone you can know a lot about, but not everything.

No matter how deep you dig into the personality of those you lead, fresh riches are opened on either side. Stay curious. Click To Tweet

Magnanimous people are affirming. Being a people person means looking for the layers of beautiful personality hidden within every person and finding them as you would a buried treasure. Once you desire another admirable quality, you notice it and express affirmation and encouragement. Take another look at the image at the top of this post. What is being communicated? “Look at you, you are a treasure beyond words, you are an absolute delight and joy of my life.” Words of encouragement and affirmation are valuable because many of us live without them.

Being a people person means curiously looking for the layers of beautiful personality hidden within every person and finding them as you would a buried treasure. Click To Tweet

One final thing, it is important to note – you can’t fake it. Faking curiosity is worse than not being curious. Empty affirmations are, well, empty, they have no power to bless.

The real test of being a people person is this: how do people feel in your presence? I have learned this the hard way, more than once, and recently!

The best example of this leadership principle is Jesus. In His presence people felt their true dignity, worth and potential. In His presence they were consumed with holy desires and high callings. In His presence each disciple would become what He knew them to be.

This is why people that were nothing like Jesus loved to be with Jesus. They felt their most true selves with Him – their most loved, encouraged, powerful, gifted and capable.

People that were nothing like Jesus, loved to be with Jesus. In His presence they felt their most lovable, empowered, gifted and capable of greatness. As a leader, we should desire that our presence has the same effect. Click To Tweet

There’s no limit to what your people can become if only they saw within themselves the greatness that God put there when He created them. Show it to them and watch them soar.

There's no telling what your people can become if only they saw within themselves the greatness that God put there when He created them. Show it to them and watch them soar. Click To Tweet