What Separates a Remarkable Leader from a Gifted Speaker

During the past 25 years, I’ve had the privilege of meeting some world class leaders and “celebrity” believers. Their ability to inspire others and cast a compelling vision is remarkable.

What separates a great spiritual leader from a merely gifted communicator? The willingness and ability to listen well to others.

I learned how important listening is from a famous Christian leader at a conference in Rome. During one of the breaks we got into a discussion about a topic that I am passionate about and have gained some experience over the years. Our conversation was cut short by the program starting up. I figured that would be the end of it since he had several people wanting to connect with him. Would you believe, the leader sought me out the next morning, sat down with me at breakfast and said, “I’m glad I found you. I was hoping we might continue our conversation from yesterday.” He then went on to summarize a few of the points I made the previous day and invited more discussion. I was struck by how well he was able to reflect the details of our conversation. Later that day he gave an incredible talk that inspired everyone in the room. It was informative, funny, compelling and rich. As great as his skills as an orator, what I remembered most was the way he listened.

There are hundreds of really good communicators in the Church today but few great listeners.

Here are Five Practices for Listening Well

Attend. Be alert and focused, use eye contact. Don’t attempt to multi-task while listening, be fully present and focused on the individual.

Encourage. Use non-verbal and verbal affirmations. Non-verbal affirmations include an open posture, nodding your head, smiling, positive facial expressions and warm eye contact. Verbal affirmations may include, “tell me more” or “good insight.”

Introject don’t interject. Introjection is about clarifying meaning through inquiry. Interjection means inserting your own thoughts distinct from what the other person is sharing. Picture a butter knife inserted into a stream of water. If the blade is parallel it doesn’t disturb the flow, that’s introjection. If the blade is turned against the flow of water, it splashes, that’s interjection. Interjection stops the flow of the conversation. Introspection enhances the conversation.

Resist and Refrain. Resist asking a lot of questions, it can give the impression of grilling the speaker. It’s okay to ask the odd open-ended question, “How did you feel?” Also, refrain from giving unsolicited advice, many leaders assume others come to them in search of answers and solutions but often they just want to be understood.

Don’t Rehearse. Listen to understand, not to respond. Resist the urge to share your own stories however relevant they may seem to you.